As I've stated before, I was incredibly young when I first discovered pornography. When it came time to talk to me about it, my dad was too embarrassed to even look at me, much less have a meaningful discussion about pornographic images. Private thrill was soon associated with shame.
Over the years I've heard so many things about pornography. I've been told that it is demeaning to women. I can understand that interpretation. Naked women in suggestive, inviting poses or making themselves sexually available to almost every man who comes along can be interpreted as seeing women as purely sexual objects. However, when I look at images of women nude, women having sex, women enjoying their bodies, I don't see a thing to be used. I see a person, empowered, engaging in an activity she enjoys and finds pleasurable. The truth is that "demeaning" is an interpretation. What one person finds demeaning, another finds empowering. What one person finds insulting, another finds funny.
Beyond simple person to person interpretation, there's a logical step further that really confuses me. To me, pornography is simply people being photographed and recorded naked and having sex. The idea that pornography should be demeaning to women communicates to me that nudity and sex are demeaning to women. Is that really the message our society wants to send, that women should be ashamed of their bodies and their sexual desires?
I've been told that pornography presents an unrealistic view of women's bodies: Thin waists, large breasts, and wide hips. Mainstream pornography reflects mainstream expectations of beauty and attractiveness. Like nearly all other magazines, especially fashion magazines, pornographic magazines airbrush and digitally alter their images to make their models more attractive to their target audience. I want to be clear that I'm not defending the practice. The problem that I have is that the practice is throughout the entertainment industry, pornography is not the only offender. Yet when discussions of pornography come up, the issue of female body image is addressed in such a way, you would almost think pornography was the solely responsible for the practice.
That mostly applies to mainstream pornography. Pornography however is one of the most dynamic industries out there. Most forms of entertainment try to appeal to the widest group possible. Pornography, on the other hand, caters not just to the mainstream, but esoteric tastes as well. When you look past Playboy and Hustler, you eventually get to men and women of all sizes and shapes. There's even an entire genre dedicated to average, non-celebrity partners sharing their private sex tapes.
The next argument is pornography inspires lust in men, and that's bad. This generally comes from a theory that any kind of sexual arousal that a man doesn't direct toward a specific woman (namely his wife) is inherently evil. The reality is that sexual arousal and attraction are not things people can control. It's perfectly natural, and more importantly, involuntary. The issue then becomes when a person makes a conscious decision to expose themselves to material they find sexually stimulation.
My response is this: Not everyone is wired for a monogamous relationship, even if they want one. Fantasies offer a means to explore other sexual possibilities without actually engaging another person in sex. Those fantasies can then be shared in a relationship with open and honest communication, enhancing sexual experiences even when physically engaging only one partner.
I would not suggest that I know what's best for everyone. The best advice I can offer is to examine for yourself. It is walking a line, because there is still a strong line of "women are objects/possessions" within our culture and pornography can reinforce this kind of thinking. Above all, anyone who is involved in a relationship has to put the feelings of their partner first. Even if they have a mentality to view pornography without looking down on women, they have a problem if their partner feels degraded by pornographic images.
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